The Black Christian Singles Guide to Dating and Sexuality by Chris Jackson

Author:Chris Jackson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Array
Publisher: Zondervan

Chapter 6

COMMON QUESTIONS, UNCOMMON ANSWERS

Things You’ve Always Wondered About But Never Asked

The subject of male-female relationships covers such a wide range of topics that no single book could adequately address every individual question or concern. However, there is one book that contains overarching principles that can be applied to practically every life experience imaginable. This book is the Bible. Although written many years ago, the words of the Bible are words of life and remain relevant even in the twenty-first century.

The answers provided in this chapter encompass a biblical perspective as a foundation combined with personal and practical experience. But be aware that many of the responses are not the normal, average, regular, common, typical answers and they could be hazardous to your usual way of thinking. These responses frequently go beyond the typical perspective to address areas of concern.

QUESTION #1: WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN?

BIBLICAL FOCUS: 1 TIMOTHY 6:11–14

People offer a variety of definitions of what constitutes a “good” man. Some base goodness on physical traits and financial marketability while others appreciate more character-based personal components such as commitment and patience. During my research for this book, several sisters listed the traits they desire in a partner as romance, honesty, trustworthiness, and spirituality. Truly, all of these are important. But let’s look at goodness from a spiritual perspective, using 1 Timothy 6:11–14 as our starting point. According to this passage, a “good man” is—

Righteous: He conducts life from God’s perspective with honesty and justice for all.

Godly: His ways imitate God’s ways as he seeks to reflect God’s character.

Filled with faith: He is willing to step out and trust beyond the unknown and unseen.

Loving: He expresses unselfish, unconditional commitment.

Steady: He is consistent despite changing or fluctuating conditions.

Gentle: He is sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.

Christian: He is a recipient of the promises and benefits of those who have surrendered to Jesus Christ.

Active in public worship: He freely worships God in public and is unashamed of his faith.

Active in private worship: He regularly spends time alone with God.

Obedient: He keeps God’s commandments without frequent wavering.

Now that we have established what a good man is, where can one be found? Whether it be a good man or a good woman, the place to find him or her is not in a club or singles bar. One cannot go fishing in a swamp and expect to catch rainbow trout. Most fishermen or women who choose to fish in a swamp usually reel in a creature of the swamp. The chances of encountering a positive potential partner are significantly increased through simply excelling in what comes most naturally to you. There is no need, for example, to take up racquetball just to meet people—especially if you hate the sport. Great places for interacting with other positive singles include church singles’ retreats and conferences, the library, the grocery store, church (your own or another), work, weddings, other people’s family reunions, plays, health clubs, and college classes.1

QUESTION #2: WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD

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